Screw what I've said earlier of not posting. Feel like getting things out of my head, so I'm writing them down.
-----
I've been dreaming the same sort of dreams every night, it's something that I can't quite get the hang of. For the last year or so, I've remembered less dreams, and had less troubled nights than the past week combined. But the thing about the dreams is, it's the same people. It's the same everyday thing dreamt. So, end result is I wake up usually in some level of shock being unable to comprehend what is going on.
I've not experienced dreams in a long time, usually just deep empty sleep, and waking up feeling refreshed. Nowadays, I can't even sleep easily. I kept the tradition of listening to podcasts since CC, and well, usually I'll be dozing off before my computer shuts down. Now, I'm wide awake and turning about restlessly long after it turns off by itself.
This incidents, I can't explain what's causing them, but they're probably either cause or effect of recent unrest going on in my mind. The weird thing about these dreams are that they are indifferentiable with reality. Well, put it simply, I can't tell whether they are dreams or memory recalls.
Plus, I can't say that these unrests are similar to the pre/post-breakup depression. They're not lovesick emo-times as well. No, they are no longer superficial. I can't even understand the basis of this.
Spent the entire morning looking up wikipedia on common symptoms. This is going to be funny. I have symptoms which make up part of the following disorders (recently).
Non-24-hour sleep-wake syndrome
Seasonal Affective Disorder
Anhedonia (just wanted to add this for fun)
and the most accurate one
Atypical depression
The DSM-IV-TR, a widely used manual for diagnosing mental disorders, defines Atypical Depression as a subtype of depression or dysthymia, characterized by Atypical Features:
A. Mood reactivity (i.e., mood brightens in response to actual or potential positive events)
B. At least two of the following:
1. Significant weight gain or increase in appetite ("comfort eating")[3]
2. Hypersomnia (sleeping too much, as opposed to the insomnia present in melancholic depression)
3. Leaden paralysis (i.e., heavy, leaden feelings in arms or legs)
4. Long-standing pattern of interpersonal rejection sensitivity (not limited to episodes of mood disturbance) that results in significant social or occupational impairment (not long-standing.. probably 3 days or so)
C. Criteria are not met for Melancholic Depression or Catatonic Depression during the same episode.
By the ICD-10 classification, it will fall in the category of F32 or F39.
I'm probably going too far, to be honest, for 1 or 2 hours only I'm feeling like that, for the rest of the time I'm still an idiot full of sh*t.
Well, put it this way, did any of u guys notice a change in tone from the start to the end of this post?
I started at 11.21, end .. well.. at halfpast 3.
Shows how 'moodswingy' i've been =P
Anyway, I must have scared some people off by saying I'm depressed. Hahahaha, that's just assuming the worst. I'm not depressed just having a lot of things on my mind, that I can only have access to at certain times of the day, which is so weird. Like I can't think of what's bothering me now, but I know it 5 hours ago.
The mind is a powerful tool. Don't mess around with it. But it's messing around with me now. <--dammit! But, music helps, and noobshuffling (because I'm a newbie) too, so does having an aim. Screw it I'm just going to focus on my 2000word essay due on the 22nd and stop fretting about other stuff that I've lost control over. But I still find my dreams.. incomprehensible and freaky.
P.S: As much as I find Mika's voice annoying, his songs are actually quite addictive. No, not THAT addictive.
P.P.S: Gahhh, I'll probably miss out Charis's birthday at JimmyChung at 6 and the HKIS Guy Fawke's fireworks celebration tonight for a project meeting. Why lah must all good things happen, when I'm busy?! When I'm dead bored, nothing happens.
