Solace

The view of Edinburgh at midnight from Holyrood Park is.. stunning. Makes me want to get an SLR camera. Hmmph. I wanted to go and watch the fireworks there at night but I didn't want to go alone, luckily Reuben - my flatmate, wanted to go at quarter-past eleven. It sucked though, we only got to smell the sorta acrid smell of burnt gunpowder, while throngs of people descended from Arthur's Seat. I swear the next year I'll bring along a better camera than my stewpid mobilephone camera. Should have taken the picture of some firemen getting geared up for something that we thought was a bonfire, but turns out to be bushfire.

Speaking of which, I've recently realised that there isn't enough time in a day. I practically sleep for 10 hours, go to lectures for 3 hours and the remaining time.. is not enough~ A few rounds of DotA after dinner.. and it's already 11.. wtf right?

So now here I am, lying on my bed, finding comfort and retreat in the Great Compassion Mantra.. with my stomach telling me to eat a biscuit or two. And it's already 1.12 in the morning. Time flies.

Damage Assessment

Screw what I've said earlier of not posting. Feel like getting things out of my head, so I'm writing them down.
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I've been dreaming the same sort of dreams every night, it's something that I can't quite get the hang of. For the last year or so, I've remembered less dreams, and had less troubled nights than the past week combined. But the thing about the dreams is, it's the same people. It's the same everyday thing dreamt. So, end result is I wake up usually in some level of shock being unable to comprehend what is going on.

I've not experienced dreams in a long time, usually just deep empty sleep, and waking up feeling refreshed. Nowadays, I can't even sleep easily. I kept the tradition of listening to podcasts since CC, and well, usually I'll be dozing off before my computer shuts down. Now, I'm wide awake and turning about restlessly long after it turns off by itself.

This incidents, I can't explain what's causing them, but they're probably either cause or effect of recent unrest going on in my mind. The weird thing about these dreams are that they are indifferentiable with reality. Well, put it simply, I can't tell whether they are dreams or memory recalls.

Plus, I can't say that these unrests are similar to the pre/post-breakup depression. They're not lovesick emo-times as well. No, they are no longer superficial. I can't even understand the basis of this.

Spent the entire morning looking up wikipedia on common symptoms. This is going to be funny. I have symptoms which make up part of the following disorders (recently).
Non-24-hour sleep-wake syndrome
Seasonal Affective Disorder
Anhedonia (just wanted to add this for fun)
and the most accurate one
Atypical depression

The DSM-IV-TR, a widely used manual for diagnosing mental disorders, defines Atypical Depression as a subtype of depression or dysthymia, characterized by Atypical Features:

A. Mood reactivity (i.e., mood brightens in response to actual or potential positive events)
B. At least two of the following:

1. Significant weight gain or increase in appetite ("comfort eating")[3]
2. Hypersomnia (sleeping too much, as opposed to the insomnia present in melancholic depression)
3. Leaden paralysis (i.e., heavy, leaden feelings in arms or legs)
4. Long-standing pattern of interpersonal rejection sensitivity (not limited to episodes of mood disturbance) that results in significant social or occupational impairment (not long-standing.. probably 3 days or so)

C. Criteria are not met for Melancholic Depression or Catatonic Depression during the same episode.

By the ICD-10 classification, it will fall in the category of F32 or F39.

I'm probably going too far, to be honest, for 1 or 2 hours only I'm feeling like that, for the rest of the time I'm still an idiot full of sh*t.

Well, put it this way, did any of u guys notice a change in tone from the start to the end of this post?
I started at 11.21, end .. well.. at halfpast 3.
Shows how 'moodswingy' i've been =P

Anyway, I must have scared some people off by saying I'm depressed. Hahahaha, that's just assuming the worst. I'm not depressed just having a lot of things on my mind, that I can only have access to at certain times of the day, which is so weird. Like I can't think of what's bothering me now, but I know it 5 hours ago.

The mind is a powerful tool. Don't mess around with it. But it's messing around with me now. <--dammit! But, music helps, and noobshuffling (because I'm a newbie) too, so does having an aim. Screw it I'm just going to focus on my 2000word essay due on the 22nd and stop fretting about other stuff that I've lost control over. But I still find my dreams.. incomprehensible and freaky.

P.S: As much as I find Mika's voice annoying, his songs are actually quite addictive. No, not THAT addictive.

P.P.S: Gahhh, I'll probably miss out Charis's birthday at JimmyChung at 6 and the HKIS Guy Fawke's fireworks celebration tonight for a project meeting. Why lah must all good things happen, when I'm busy?! When I'm dead bored, nothing happens.

Tooooot

Just wanna say, that I won't be posting anything for the next few days. Real busy with my project but turns out I've wasted half a day because of the stupid things I've done, should have just gone out to watch a movie but nooooooo, have to do work, which I then forgot to save.. then redo.. then wrong data.. then redo again. Sigh, I sense myself becoming emo already. .. emotional.. sigh.

Note: Why is it so hard, to not get attracted to someone! I don't want to! Hatehatehatehatehatehatehatehate =(

Last-Minute Desperation?

PAS usually shows its true colours when a general election is looming and it is its unrelenting quest to set up an "Islamic state" at all cost, said Gerakan secretary-general Datuk Seri Chia Kwang Chye.
Source

And here I thought Gerakan was one of the more ethical and principle-upholding parties in the coalition government, well at least from what I see in history. Two men whose views I've treated with respect are both Penang CMs (Dr Lim Chong Eu and Dr Koh Tsu Koon, both highly educated, men of principle), and both held posts as Gerakan chief, so my perception of Gerakan .. well.. should be clean. Datuk Seri, you bad egg. =(

Well, not only PAS has been on the receiving end, DAP too has been frequently criticised by the Information Minister Zainuddin Maidin.

Every vote given to the DAP will only weaken the Chinese representation in the Government, said Information Minister Datuk Seri Zainuddin Maidin.

It would not help the Chinese community if they did not support the Barisan Nasional, he said.
Source

Well, isn't that just being hypocritical. Both hailing from the coalition party that is so used to calling the opposition "dirty, and using underhanded tactics". Since when was a 'democracy-as you so proudly call it' subjected to party figures playing the 'race' and 'fear' cards?

Malaysian Women Should Walk More

Being an XY male, it's normal.. to look at girls isn't it?
Call me perverted, horny or dodgy if u must, but I shall redeem myself by saying that it's perfectly normal. At least I'm not those kind of hamsap people hanging around gyms/pools to stare at girls.

So, back to the story. I was walking today, and as usual I looked in front. Who the heck looks sideways or behind when they walk anyway?! So I noticed this ass in front of me. Then I started to think,

"How come I get to see more slender legs, in proportion asses and great thighs in countries that people walk more often?"

Then I deduced, using my IQ 127 logic, that it's the result of walking, and regular exercise of the muscles, that produces such god-blessed shape.

Kinda like that, only finer n sexier. Mmmm..

How many ladies out there do you see having this shape?! A rare sight, probably 15% out of every 100 ladies in Malaysia.

So, I'm calling out to all women, particularly KL(since I'm from KL) fat-asses who always seem too lazy to walk. And when I say fat-asses. Trust me, it's fat. If it's not nice to look at it's considered out of proportion / fat.

The sad state of young Malaysian women. Not them, they're fine for their age.

As you can probably guess where I'm going at, get out of your lazy bums now and start walking.

Here's my top 4 comments to help reduce eyesore for Malaysian men.

• Always park your car, at the other end of the road where you live/work.
• The women's department/section should be on the highest floor, with no escalators or lifts provided. Work those muscles!
• All men should say Tak Nak! to W shape bodylines. (from waist downwards)
• Gyms are not sufficient, we don't want love handles, we want something good to look at!

To conclude it, do something for the better of 'man'kind! Come on, your Singaporean counterparts are probably hotter than you people. =P

P.S: Feeling insulted? Think I'm a sexist? Well, try asking your male friends and see how many would suppress their 64-million-year conditioning and say, "no no, actually it doesn't matter, what matter's is the beauty inside."

P.P.S: My male buddies.. this is true right?! Help me out here =D

P.P.P.S: In my reference to an ass above, I meant a lady's ass. WHATEVER MADE YOU THINK I'LL LOOK AT GUYS' ASSES?!

P.P.P.P.S: This was meant to provide light-hearted humour. Don't take it too seriously ladies. But don't take it as a joke either =) Happy Halloween~